Aquarius...

It had to start somewhere...

On the 4th day of February 1976 the 12th Winter games were opened in Austria, a massive earthquake killed almost 23000 people in Guatemala , America did a bit of nuclear testing, and in a large country town, in Northeast Victoria, an event on a much smaller scale was about to occur.   To millions this event would go unnoticed, but to many others, their lives would never be the same again.
It was an event that was to be a long, tiresome 9 or so months in the making. Through the cold, and the heat, the frequent trips to the toilet, the mood swings, the bad hair days it was all building up to a phenomenal event.   Everyone was prepared and waiting but no-one new that morning that the oven timer was about to go off, that the baking process was now complete.  The day slowly slid into afternoon, and afternoon into evening, then the following miracle occurred......

By now it was 7:15pm. The place, Wangaratta District Base Hospital, Victoria, Australia.

My primary school days were in Wangaratta at a good proppa bloody Catholic school. I went to church regularly, blah blah blah. - (if only my priest could see me now)

Then we Moved!!! We moved to Strathmerton, a nice little gossiping town where everyone knows everyone and who they are doing and who did who last week. I was straight onto the boys football team, bugga the barby dolls and "you hurt my feelings" talk, I wanted to run and jump - damn it, I wanted to play in the puddles and slide in the mud.

I grew up a little bit...

I didn't want to go to High School. I even tried talking my mother in to letting me repeat grade 6, Mum was like a branch covering an ants path. I was going to High School and there was no way around that. My teachers always sent letters home requesting that mum attend "parent / teacher days" as they felt mum should be aware of my antics, that mum should be told my reputation of 'class clown' needed to be put to a stop. I tried to explain that clowns scared me and there was no way I was ever going to be one, this didn't matter. I quickly became acquainted with the hallways, the windy corridors and icy cold cement steps of the High School I attended. Teachers continued to tell my mother that I had a great, untameable imagination, but they just wished I would put it to better use, setting up bins to fall on teachers as they enter the room was apparently not appropriate behaviour. All I needed was something to keep my attention. Maths classes were great, until I finished the set work way before everyone else, the only way to prevent boredom sinking in was to talk. I had a problem with teachers yelling at me, sure this became quiet a regular occurrence, I should have been able to handle it but I could not stop myself from laughing. There would be flaring nostrils, there was anger so feirce that saliva was spat out in all directions, there would be eyes open so wide that their eyebrows became part of their hair line. There would be hands waving furiously in all directions, there was even foot stomping. How the hell is anyone supposed to not laugh at these sights?

I passed High School. My marks were not great, but I passed, and I had a hell of a lot of fun within my group of friends.   Outside of my group of friends high school wasn’t easy I was picked on a fair bit and called names because I was different.  I new I was different but I didn’t know why – the realisation would hit me years later.

On the weekends if I wasn't in Melbourne playing badminton, on a tennis court somewhere or kicking the football around I was at my step fathers Trail Riding business guiding people through our bush lands and along the Murray River. I met so many people, so many people from overseas, and well couldn't help myself but pass on what ever "Aussie Traditions" I new, even if I happened to make them up on the spot. Whilst I was leading these trail rides my grasp of the Australian language improved out of site. I could speak Ocker (Aussie slang) with the best of them, all the tourists loved it. I was right up there with Crocodile Dundee, minus the crocodiles because, well because there is no damn crocs in Victoria.

I made a point of ensuring that anything my brothers could do, I was going to do better. My step father had other idea's of this and stopped letting me drive the tractor and lift bails of hay, but whilst he wasn't around I was going to do what they did, and I was going to do it better, well put more thought into it anyway.

I passed High School and didn't have any bloody idea of what I wanted to do next. No bloody idea. I thought maybe I could re-do my final year, get some better grades, but who was I kidding - I did have good intentions but as soon as I made new friends it things would go back to how they were. I did consult our careers advisor about it. His words were "Well I don't want you back here, I will help you find something, anything!" As it turns out I was accepted into University to study Enterprize Management. Didn't know what the hell this was going to do for me but I'll give anything a go.

I still didn't learn about responsibility...

As part of my degree I was to undertake a couple of units of Computing.  I near aced the computing units I had to complete and I new this management degree was a waste so I transferred in to Business-Computing. I needed to let that hidden nerd inside of me evolve.

For the next few years the nerd inside of me tried to raise its ugly head, but behind every keyboard and under every mouse I found ways of keeping it at bay. I smoked pot, I drank, I partied and for around 2 years I didn’t get much sleep

It took a year longer than it really was supposed to but I did finish my degree and had a hell of a lot of fun during the process. The fun really started when I moved out of home. I only moved 45 minutes away so I still took all my washing home, and still longed for mothers cooking, well actually by going home for washing and food, it mean I had more money to spend on the weekend at the pub.

Freedom's just another word for, 'nothing left to loose'...

I started to share a house with my brother, I got hooked up to the net and things were cruising. I was addicted to the Net and if my friends managed to convince me to head out to the clubs with them I would be there half an hour before I did my routine 'I need to have a wee" trick which involved me getting lost in the crowd, sneaking out the door and walking home, actually no, I ran, I ran home to get straight back on the internet.

I got myself a job, my very first real job. Working for a local Internet Company in town, it was work but it didn't feel like work. I had herd all these horror stories about what it's like when you..."join the workforce". I wasn't sure if I was doing something wrong because, work was fun, it had been quiet a few years since I had enjoyed getting out of bed prior to 9:00am.

I then moved in with my closest friend and we had a pretty wild time, we went away every weekend and we were stoned at any chance we had. I liked getting stoned back then. It stopped me thinking about a lot of things. Everyone always said "it starts with Marijuana and ends up with needles" yeah I thought this was a bit of a joke. I still see it as a joke, well to me it is, I'm not about to go sticking needles in myself but now seeing where one of my friends is heading I can see how. I delt with my issues.  On a quick side note, it's not until I look back that I realise that the marijuana didn't help me sleep at all, it just made me over analyse everything without me feeling positive or negative about it, it didn't make me happy or sad - I guess it just took the feelings/emotions out of all my thoughts.

One night my mother rang and told me that SportsBrother was moving home. Instead of being happy that I would be closer to him, and I would see him more often, my instant thought was "now it's my turn, I am getting out of here". I wanted to live somewhere where I fit in, where there are lots more quers, so, I got a job working right in the city, fixing computers, not internet connections, I was becoming a real nerd.

When I first moved to Melbourne (Feb 2001) I moved to Alphington (mum found these people in her church newsletter) I moved in with a triathalete, a guy who worked on the set of neighbours and a cat, I got along best with the cat. I was only there a month, they just weren’t my kind of people, like I said, I got along best with the cat. I think my time there was summed up by a funny little incident one afternoon.

I had not had a quiet weekend, a sit at home watching video weekend in about 3 months and I needed one, TriathaleteChick went off to work and I put a video on, she returned about 4 hours later, "so Chaps, have you done anything since I left, you are still sitting in the same spot", "errh why yes Kath you dumb fuck, I had to change the video....twice".

Their idea of a night out, was, 1 drink and bed by 9:30pm (and that is a Saturday night), they need to go to bed early so they can get up at 6:30am sunday morning to do the fucken washing

Yes! I am...

The issues that were building up were around the thought that maybe just maybe I was gay.   Of course this was wrong.  I have a homophobic brother, a super full-on religious mother and I grew up in a small country town.  I shagged the fiancé of one of the chicks in my indoor cricket team (after a bottle of cougar) because I was told I wasn’t getting a game for the Sharks because I was gay.  Whilst this obviously didn’t do anything to help me getting a game for the Sharks, it did help me realise that maybe I really was gay.  

So I turned to the internet and did some research, read a stack of websites and after signing a few guestbooks here and there I ended up yakking to Snaps.  Snaps and I became pretty damn good friends and she educated me on the way of “the queer”.  

Eventually it was time.  I had a list of pple I needed to tell and they all found out one way or another, weather it was me telling them, word of mouth or my website.   Whilst I assumed most of my friends would be ok about this there were a couple I was nervous about telling, as I said I grew up in a small country town.  One was my best friend through high school and the other was my house mate.  

My housemate moved to Melbourne and she rang one night as she as coming down from an E, I happen to be coming down from a Trip so we yakked for hours and eventually she carried on because whilst I talk a lot, I never really said anything and eventually I just told her.  We haven’t seen each other in person since and only spoken on the phone a couple of times.

The other friend, the high school one – well she can’t deal with it at all and because I spent so much time dealing with it I now have the attitude "this is me, either you deal with it or leave me be".   We haven’t really spoken since.  She found out by reading my website which wasn’t the best way but shit happens.   I’m not really sure where her issue is, in high school I didn’t know I was gay.  I new I was different and that I didn’t quiet fit in, but I wasn’t checkin out chicks way back then.

Telling the folks - I just wanted this over and done with and when Fish and I started seeing each other I didn't want my mum not knowing to be an issue in our relationship so I went home to visit her, waited until I was leaving and told her I was seeing someone, but it wasn't a boy. she worked out the rest pretty quick.  SportsBrother said she went into her white, cross filled room and prayed for the next two days then she was all good.

These days I don't go running around yelling to the world that I am gay but at the same time, I can't hide it and I don't deny it.  Most pple couldn't give a shit these days anyway.

Fish and I hooked up in Nov 2001 and that story is for when I have some time to write it (theres a little bit here)

Right about... Now

NO, I'm not a geek, I am a nerd god damn it!

If however you notice that the crutch of my pants is not sitting around knee level, or that a pen which mysteriously appear in my pocket is leaking and may stain, please let me know so I can rectify the situation.

I say it how it is and I get told each year at annual workplace reviews that I need to learn a bit of tact - but really, whats the point of beeting around the bush, if you are a dumb fuck and you fuck up, I'll let you know.  If however I think you are ok, I am sure we will spend many hours laughing together

I need to know something, is there a lesbian guide to making webpages out there? I am sure there must be, I however failed to locate it prior to making this page so I am sorry there will be no mention of bushwalking or statements where I announce to everyone in cyberland (but remain closeted in the real world) how I am so damn proud to be who I am.

So right about now I am living in Canberra. After sticking it out in Gippsland for 3.5 years it was time to up ship and move interstate. The good thing about Canberra is Fish and I are living in a City but it's not really a city. We get all the big shopping centres, the drug bags sitting at the bus depot, the big buildings but... we also have tree's and parks everywhere and... peak hour isnt peek hours, it lasts about 15 minutes and even in peek hour you can be from one side of ACT to the other in half an hour.

The Family...

I have no idea how big my family is, and no this is NOT because I am some weird arse hippy freak who goes around calling everyone brother and sister (no offence is meant to those weird ass hippy freaks who do do that).....this is because my father has been married several times and I know he has other children out there. I have met Kim and Ben (early 2002) it was great to finally be able to meet them, after wondering for all those years, next time I am up in Queensland I hope to meet the others.

I grew up with my two younger brothers....MechanicBrother and SportsBrother. Mum - my mother who lives at home on the farm with StepFather - my step father.

MechanicBrother now lives in Portland, gave away his life as a mechanic and swapped it for building wind farms. He is shacked up with a bird and a kid. He loves it over there he has a boat and spends all his spare time fishing. I dont think it will be too long before he hurts himself again thogh.

SportsBrother has just hit the road again and is QLD bound. He has asperations of playing rugby again so hopefully his connection up there wont let him down and he will get a game for Redcliffe.