It’s been sooo fucken long that I had even forgotten what our new template looks like.  After a friendly reminder from PD when we caught up last week I thought I should make an extra bit of an effort to update, I am sure everyone is sick of the “but I’ve been busy” excuse.

Whilst in Melbourne last week (mum had to have some major surgery) I msged Snaps hoping she could help me out with something, then bugga me dead next thing I know her and PD are on there way down to come out for dinner with me and StepFather.

StepFather has only been to Melbourne once in the last 30 years and he doesn’t quiet comprehend driving all over town for good food, in fact he wanted to go to Coles and get something we could ‘cook’ in our accommodation – my jaw dropped at such a ludicrous suggestion, we were after all in Melbourne with so many absolutely fantastic food places, AND Snaps and PD were on their way, they too would never have been able to comprehend his suggestion.

The night before we drove a tiny 4km to get some of the best Thai tucker I have ever eaten.  I did warn him that compared with what we did last night, he might think we have driven from one side of the country to the other with what we were sure to embark on with Snaps and PD. 

Snaps and PD picked us up in Ivanhoe and seeing as they had a few things to up the road, right next to Mums hospital, we thought we’d call in and see mum and then head on our food mission. 

First stop was ‘some Indian restaurant Snaps had seen in her dreams on Sydney Rd”.  If you have ever been to Melbourne and been down Sydney Rd, there is probably hundreds of Indian restaurants.  She did give us a bit more of a clue, there was a chemist on the right hand side and there was a sex shop nearby (no doubt how she first came across this Indian joint J).  We found the chemist, we even found several sex shops, but none were right.  As it turns out we did find an Indian joint and the tucker was awesome.

So we are leaving dinner and PD realizes she needs to take a slash, whilst this would normally not be an issue in a restaurant, apparently the dunny’s in this joint were just filth and being the full on germ freak nurses they are, they thought their bits and pieces would be much safer using a dodgy servo or Macca’s toilet. 

PD reminds Snaps as we get in the car that she must stop at the nearest toilet, she proceeds to remind Snaps some 30 or 40, or even 100 more times over the next 45minutes however  somehow Snaps didn’t manage to 'find' one single dunny.  Snaps mind was clearly on the Ice Cream we were driving over to St Kilda for – pffft who needs a toilet when we can get ice cream?  I could see PD’s hair start that angry cat tail flick, Snaps was about to get in some trouble if she didn't stop soon.   It might have taken 45min but we did make it to a macca’s with a toilet – not just any toilet either, we managed to score one with a chick in the toilet having a wee with the toilet door unlocked – yeah weird shit in Melbourne.

So we’re now munchin on our yummy ice cream from Tampoline outside in the freezing Melbourne air, when it just got too cold and we decided to head back to the car and drive to Northcote for hot chocolate.  We warned StepFather that the car park we had the car in was “the hooker wet hot spot”, we always seen em here, I think he thinks I always talk shit, but sure enough as we walked into the car park there was not one but two fucken hookers – we got em on a good night.  One was takin her talk with a dude in a car and the other was ‘doin the wander’, I quickly pushed StepFather into the car before he got any ideas.

Over to Northcote we go for some supposedly super fucken thick awesome hot chocolate, problem was I was soooo full that I needed to back one out to free up some room and there was no where around for that to happen so I just got some softdrink.   PD ordered a mini chocolate mudcake chococlate, she even did the symbol with her hands to indicate she wanted the tiny tiny one.  Out comes her plate with this big arse mutha fucker mean ass piece of mudcake, I thought I needed to back one out but thought “holy snappin duck shit, if PD can eat that, she’s the one that’s gonna be needin a dunny”.  She politely told the dude that he fucked up the order and she even got more specific this time and pointed to where the mini chocolate mudcake chocolates where and she made it clear she wasn’t after a real mudcake, just the tiny tiny chocolate mudcake chocolate.  Off he goes and well fuck me dead if not 2minutes later a chick comes out with the next size down mudcake.. again NOT the tiny tiny little chocolate mudcake chocolate that she was after.  Sensing the hairflick was close, Snaps just told the dumbass chick that it would do, just to make life easy.

StepFather not only was extremely full by now also, but he was still astounded that we drove that far for things like ice cream and hot chocolate – I guess he does live on a farm and he used to ride his horse to school.

Thanks to PD and Snaps for coming down to Melb, it was great to catch up